How to tame your 'should monster'...

Sometimes I like to pick a tarot card for myself. Even though, officially, I know that you are not supposed to. I shuffle the pack, ask the question "what do I need to know, right now?" and pick the one that is winking at me. And usually, I find it confirms or guides me towards an insight or message that I had already clocked - deep down - but perhaps hadn’t fully admitted to my conscious self yet. The card acts a bit like an intuition sign post. And let’s face it, in today’s era of the 'glorification of busy', we need all the sign posts we can get…

So, the other day I got this bad boy - the seven of swords - which came out upside down, which means it is "reversed".

And as always, it was spot on.

I really should know how to read the pack myself by now but instead I prefer to rely - lazily - on an expert whose area of genius this really is. And so, according to Biddy Tarot (whose interpretations really resonate with me), this is a card of "mental challenges and rites of passage”: I need to "break free from old habits and ways of thinking in order to overcome the blockages that currently stand in my way. I need to accept what is happening to me and act on it, rather than trying to escape. I need to do things differently, releasing myself from past behaviours or limiting beliefs so that I can move forwards in my life".

Ring a bell, anyone?

Given that autumn is a time of letting go, of releasing any habits or beliefs that no longer serve us, this card felt pretty apt. Because I am indeed trying to move forwards in a different direction. I have explored in depth over this past year who I am and what really turns me on, I have released whatever doesn’t, and I have made my passion – supporting others to regain the confidence and courage to be who they REALLY are rather than who they THINK they should be in order to be ‘accepted’ - into a new business: life coaching.

And that brings up stuff: having to own what you really stand for and publicise that (scary), as well as facing potential rejection for what you really believe in (double scary).

But these are all good fears to release right now, in the same way that the trees are releasing their leaves and Nature in general is starting to hunker down in preparation for winter.

Which is also what I’m trying to do: hunker down for winter. Which for me – Miss Duracell Bunny – is nigh on impossible. But just as I don’t let my life coaching clients off the hook (remember, NOTHING is impossible), I can’t let myself off the hook either.

So I am really, really trying NOT to 'make the most' out of my newfound, day-time freedom now that the three little muskateers are all at school. And if that sounds counter-intuitive, I’m not surprised. Because we are taught - all the time - to ‘make the most’ of everything.

But it dawned on me the other day just how crazy this is. That this whole concept not only instills a fear of deadlines and that time is running out, but it also implies that there is a wrong (= wasteful) and a right (= productive) way to fill it up. Hence the glorification of busy.

So having realised this, I’m trying instead to insert (teeny, tiny, manageable) spaces of not-doing, of non-achievement, of non-improvement and of non-learning into my day: such as meditation for at least 10 minutes; taking a mini time-out in order to take a really conscious, deep inhale and a really conscious, deep exhale or just by appreciating the beauty that surrounds me inside the house and outside in nature.

And it's WORKING.

Small pockets of pause dotted throughout the day = less overwhelm, more inner peace and a quieter 'should' monster.

And with the season of autumn well and truly upon us, my seven of swords reversed tarot card, tonight’s full moon, and my on-and-off-aching right shoulder (telling me that I have taken on or am 'shouldering' too much), I have all the reminders that I need to LET GO, to TRUST and to simply enjoy and take pleasure in being NATURALLY me.

What is the should monster whispering into your ear? Which unhelpful self-belief could you do with letting go of this autumn? Do you have a fear of deadlines or of getting things ‘wrong’? Do you find it hard to step off the achievement hamster wheel? Share with me in the comments below! And even better, book in for a complimentary 45 minute life coaching "discovery session" and we can work on it together! 

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Is it time to reboot and recharge?

This week marks the rekindling of self-care. Which has lapsed considerably over the school holidays. Indeed pretty much since June. Which not only shows, I can feel it in my body. I feel tired, lacklustre, my skin is a bit rubbish and I'm once again resorting to wine a little too much in order to zone out. I feel like I've had adrenaline coursing through my body for weeks on end. And even though I've known that I need to take time out to stop and just BE rather than rushing on with my to-do list, I've found this nearly impossible to implement.

If I lived by the beach and had access to this glorious, Ikarian view, it might come easier. But I no longer do, so it's about putting an end to the excuses and making the effort to get out from behind my desk and scheduling in some non-negotiable, me-time down-time. 

Because if we don't, we end up running on empty. Which is what I discovered is happening to me, yesterday during my Chi Nei Tsang treatment (an incredible Chinese medicine abdominal massage that detoxifies the internal organs and removes energetic blocks). Not good.

So today, I set aside 10 minutes to meditate before getting down to work and I've reset my AIRIN app to 25 times a day (it sounds a gong to remind you to take a mindful breath). It bongs so often that even the kids are now trained in it : )

As autumn sets in and the wind and rain start to ramp up, the seasons are telling us to SLOW DOWN.

What would help YOU to reset your hard drive?

What do you need to give yourself PERMISSION to pause?

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The joys of meditation...

Inhaling, I remember to just be. Exhaling I let go of doing. Inhaling I prepare to receive. Exhaling I loosen the grip of my mind. Inhaling I surrender to being held. Exhaling I release the desire to prove myself. Inhaling I reaquaint myself with the peace at the core of my being. Exhaling I let go of my masculine drive. Inhaling I ground myself and become feminine flow.... This was the essence of my meditation this morning. I have not meditated for months and months. And months. Geez it felt good. Note to self: remember to slow the f%^k down. Lie Down. Breathe. Receive. Be.

Art by Christian Schloe

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