On embracing your beauty...

Me and my big, goofy smile. That takes over half my face. I’ve always had a big mouth - physically and symbolically. "Shy, retiring violet" would not be the label most would give me. And yet, I used to wish it was. I wanted to be less visible, less opinionated and have a smaller mouth.

Most kids have a temporary gap when their adult teeth first come through but mine became a permanent feature. And big lips, a big mouth and big, gappy teeth are not what your average 10 year old needs. So I used to get teased. Alot.

The older I got though, and the more examples I came across of gappy teeth being valued in their own way, the less ill at ease I became with my particular looks: as a 12 year old in France I learnt that they are called 'dents du bonheur' (and that one of the nation's hottest sex symbols - Vanessa Paradis - also shared my 'diastema'); and as a 17 year old at school, I stumbled upon Chaucer’s “gap-toothed wife of Bath”. Her gap symbolised her 'lasciviousness', and whilst I didn't really have a clue what that meant at the time, it did make me secretly a little bit proud.

So I grew to live with my gap. And to even sort of like it.

And then....it went.

Just like that.

Aged 42, I still have a big mouth, big lips and big teeth but I am no longer gap-toothed. (Who knew that teeth continue to move all throughout adulthood?)

And now that it is gone, I kind of miss it. I realise that my gappy teeth were actually quite a big part of who I am. They were a tiny bit of me that made me stand out. A teeny, tiny definer of who I was.

Which got me thinking about which of our physical traits we identify with the most: what is it about you that makes you feel really you: your hair (its colour or length)? Your eyes (their shape or colour)? Your height? Your shape? Your size? Your skin colour and tone?

And do you identify with this feature because of what other people have said to you? Or because of how you yourself feel about it?

I realised that it is definitely easier NOT to stand out for something that defines you as physically different to other people, but it is also way more boring. And since different cultures value different forms of beauty, what could be seen as ugly in one, might be the epitome of sexiness in another.

Because beauty really is subjective. And those that feel beautiful inside really do radiate that out, regardless of their individual, physical features.

Embrace your unique traits and your particular form of beauty now. Because you never know, one day they might disappear and you’ll never have had the chance to question why you identified with them and to relish just how amazing they were....

Are you fulfilling your greatest potential, mama? Are you getting paid to do what you love whilst parenting in a calm and positive way? Are you feeling happy and fulfilled both at work and at home? Because you deserve to! Book a complimentary discovery session with me on skype and we can explore taking concrete steps towards creating a life in which you feel motivated and in control once more!  

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How the Goddess Lilith got me out of my funk...

Meet Lilith. A Middle-Eastern goddess of abundance and fertility (she gifted humans with agriculture) as well as death and transformation. Pretty powerful, eh? I picked this beauty from my Goddesses Knowledge Cards pack last week and she's been perched on my laptop ever since.

Not just because of the abundance - after all, we could all do with a bit of abundance - but also because of her story.

I was feeling a bit fragile as well as angry last week (solar eclipse + heavy work load + 14 weeks of 3 small kids at home with me + pre-menstrual + trying to work out what my soul "message" was = overwhelm), so the fact that she was the first woman created and the first wife of Adam "who refused to be subordinate to him in any way" inspired me. In a just-get-out-of-your-own-head-and-start-seeing-the-bigger-picture kind of way.

Because that is my kind of feminism: refusing to be subordinate to ANYONE. Not out of defensiveness or from a place of aggression. But out of a place of self-worth. The energy is very different. Lilith honours who she is by respecting her own needs, dreams and desires. She sees these as equal to anyone else's.

For when you are truly empowered, there is no need to put anyone else down in order to feel good about yourself. There isn't a finite amount of "feel-good pie" which requires one to have less than the other.

We are all entitled to abundance, self-worth, success, fulfillment and happiness. Every single one of us. And wishing for it for yourself DOES NOT mean that someone else has to make do with less. There is more than enough to go round.

True empowerment comes from within. A knowing that you are unique and beautiful and a gift to the world, whatever your flaws, whatever your imperfections and deepest secrets.

And Lilith models this beautifully because she is also associated with the lotus - that gorgeous flower that blossoms out of dark, decaying earth.

The symbolism here is that Lilith therefore encourages, and challenges us, to integrate our own darkest shadows however they manifest in us. She inspires us to look at the aspects of us that we prefer to keep private because they are shameful or "not nice" - our meanness, our superiority, our unkindness, our manipulation, our viciousness for example - and accept that they are indeed part of us.

Because when we can do this, they then have less of a hold over us.  We can can control them or choose whether or not to act out upon the impulse behind them. We become aware: conscious not just instinctual.

And that leads to FREEDOM...

THIS is what I needed to be reminded of last week. When I was feeling overwhelmed, emotional and frustrated. Lilith inspired me to own all of my feelings, even the "negative" ones, to love and accept that part of myself, and then from a place of wholeness and self-worth - subordinate to no-one - to pick myself up and get on with being me. Unique and flawed and precious. Just as I am. Just as you are.

Lilith helped me see the bigger picture. I'd love to know if and how Lilith resonates with you? Let me know in the comments below! 

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Women's Empowerment starts young!

There is no doubting whose daughter this is... Not only did she ask to get her hair cut short aged 5 (I did the same aged 7), but for her birthday manicure/pedicure treat she went for blue toes and neon hands (non-matching obvs)...

I can't think where she gets her independent streak from...And I couldn't feel prouder.

Because despite the fact that it has often been a MAJOR source of irritation to me - let's face it, independent thought and obedience don't fit that well together - I couldn't wish more for a young girl growing up in this day and age.

For the world out there is tough. Social media is pervasive. Opinions on what a woman should do, look like, feel, eat, wear and how they should behave have never been stronger.

So women's empowerment needs to start young. And it is our duty as parents to model this at home. Which doesn't mean allowing our daughters to disregard all of the house "rules" and run amok (no, no, no - I'm a Gina-Ford-parenting-control-freak, remember?) but it does mean allowing them to express themselves in whichever way feels real to them. Because THIS is (time for my buzz word here) AUTHENTICITY.

Because children do have their own, unique voices and opinions, even at a young age. And if we stifle those by overruling them with OUR needs and desires, all the time, just because we have been put "in charge" as parents, then they quickly learn that theirs are not valued and therefore that there is no point in articulating them.

And in a society that doesn't value women as highly as it does men as a whole, this damage lasts well into adulthood. Until we take the momentous leap of faith required to trust in ourselves again. To listen to our intuition. To our excitement (that's a yes!) and to our hesitation (that's probably a no!). Sound familiar?

If we weren't allowed to speak our minds when we were little, we quickly fall out of practise. Because it is a muscle that needs constant stimulation.

So whilst it may seem like a small thing to have acted upon her desire to cut her hair short, and an even smaller thing to let her choose her own nail varnish colour, it isn't. It is huge. And there are so many parents our there vetoing similar choices. Which is such a shame. Because I saw with my own eyes how her behaviour changed from one day to the next: I have a voice! It counts! I can use it to express myself!

Women's empowerment starts at home. It starts with our girls. Whatever their age. I DARE YOU...

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