On women and their mothers...

The “mother wound”. It’s kind of taboo to even write that let alone admit that it resonates. Because the bond between a woman and her mother is often considered sacrosanct – too important to be interfered with. But it is precisely because it is so important that it must be interfered with. Or at least looked at, to see whether it is allowing both parties to live lives according to their fullest potential or whether it is holding both parties back in an unconscious contract that requires them to hide their light and act ‘small’ to fit in or be accepted by each other. I have been exploring this concept having come across the amazing work of Bethany Webster who has made the mother wound the core part of her offering. It is both fascinating and challenging work which I hope to learn more about soon by following her online course. As a mother myself, I want to make sure that I can clear as much generational baggage as I can so that my children are in the best position they can be to become authentic, happy people. I believe this is the cornerstone to all female innerwork.

Generational baggage is even stronger for women because it is passed on physically as well as through the usual unconscious patterns of behaviour we inherit as children learning to navigate the world. It always amazes me when I reflect that I was already present in my grandmother’s womb. Yes, physically! As women we are born with a fully functioning set of ovaries and all the eggs we will ever produce throughout our lives. Thus I was already fully immersed into the matriarchal line as an egg in my mother’s womb as my grandmother was pregnant with her. Crazy, eh?!

And where does the wound come from? In a nutshell, historically women and feminine energies in both men and women have been oppressed. This has traditionally caused women to segregate and compete for available resources. The degree to which our female ancestors felt “less than” has dictated the depth of the wound that is unconsciously passed on through the generations. There is no blame in this because they simply did not have the tools to release the trauma this created. We do.

As part of a larger female collective awakening we are in a unique position to use our feminine energies and means of connection: movement, song, touch as well as meditation and reflection to clear this baggage. But it must start with the very difficult admission that on some level there IS a wound: our mothers may not have been there for us in all the ways we wanted her to be. Probably because they simply couldn’t be.

This acknowledgement alone allows us to free up the energy that was spent trying to fill the void in unconstructive ways – either through addictions, inappropriate relationships or work – and begin to give ourselves what we felt was lacking. Through parenting ourselves, we are free to become our authentic selves. We can begin to live our lives according to our own, unique set of beliefs rather than according to a book of beliefs we were handed as children by our parents, our culture, society as a whole.

This is necessary work. Because without a healthy relationship to our female ancestral line (however independent and modern we think we are!) we cannot have a healthy relationship to ourselves or to our children. We are the generation who can take an honest look at our inherited beliefs and take unprecedented steps to clear generational baggage by rejecting those that do not truly belong to us.

I therefore challenge you to ask yourself the following questions: Are you carrying negative stories passed down from before that are not truly yours to pass on? Are you caretaking inherited beliefs that do not actually resonate with your authentic self? Is the bond with your mother one that allows you both to flourish?

This is deep and scary work that goes to the core of how we see ourselves. But it is exciting too because it is liberating. It requires courage. I’m going to summon my Warrior to dive in – will you?

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On feeling to release...

I had a realisation this week: when something I’ve known for ages actually sank in; when my “knowing” finally became “getting”. And it went like this: that when we feel sad or angry and don’t let it out, the energy behind that emotional pain doesn’t go away. It either comes out in an embarrassing torrent when you least expect it or causes illness. Last week was the perfect example of the latter. Deep down I felt vulnerable and exposed but on the surface I felt angry and sad. I wanted to scream and cry at the same time like a toddler having a tantrum. So did I let that energy out in a controlled way? Or feel into it to release it? Of course I didn’t! I was busy doing other things. Being busy! I had recognised how I felt and put it to one side. Surely that was enough? My mind (the masculine side) thought so. The emotions had been observed, the issue had been analyzed. It was then shelved in the background of my consciousness with a whole bunch of other painful experiences that I didn’t want to explore. Sound familiar?

This system of “dealing” with things can work just fine until the mental self-storage unit gets a bit full. When it starts to bulge at the sides and the energy required to keep the door locked is no longer equal to the energy of the pain being kept in check. And then one of two things can happen. You could get triggered by something minor: you are made to wait for what seems like hours before being connected to someone in a call centre who then says you have called the wrong number or your kids refuse to even taste a meal you spent ages preparing – the lock snaps and instead of feeling a little put out, you feel OUTRAGED! Your anger and grief know no bounds! You react in a way that is totally disproportionate to the trigger. And then you are surprised by your lack of control! When what this outburst actually shows is just how much control you had exerted in order to keep your emotions in check. What an effort! No wonder most of us are always exhausted!

Alternatively, the energy turns inwards. And instead of causing a meltdown it creates a stress-related illness. Symptoms (or dis-ease) occur in the body that show you are no longer balanced and at ease. This is what happened to me last week. And because I have spent most of my life relying on my mind to deal with things instead of my body (the feminine side) alongside my mind, I couldn’t understand why I was suffering again. But when I dug deep for the potential cause, I remembered. I finally “got” what I had known for so long.

So how can we prevent either scenario? Well, we can give ourselves PERMISSION to PAUSE. We can allow ourselves to take a break from being busy so that we can look at how we are feeling in any one moment. We can check-in with our minds and see what emotions are present, and we can check-in with our bodies and see what tensions we are holding (in our jaws, our necks, our shoulders). We can channel our Buddha: the calm, serene part of ourselves that doesn’t get caught up in things but has the power to observe and see what is really going on underneath. And then we can summon our Warrior: the brave, fearless part of ourselves that is ready to leap into the emotion and allow it to come through: Cry! Shout! Hit a cushion! Dance! Roll around! Breathe! Anything to allow the energy to flow out. You’d be amazed at how good it feels...

This is what I’m going to practise next time I feel overwhelmed. I dare you to join me....

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What makes you happy?

The list of things that make this woman happy is so delightfully simple. And so honest! 

 
 

So many of us in the west, with its abundance of stuff to buy, to eat and to do, lose sight of what we really need to make us happy. Of course we can all say world peace and health and food for everyone a la Miss World - those general and slightly abstract desires that don't really touch our inner needs. But if I asked you what are four things that really make YOU happy, what would you say?

Mine are 1) to feel the hot sun on my body 2) to dance to great house music 3) to be pampered with a massage or beauty treatment 4) to receive a hug from my kids. Sadly I live in a country that doesn't "do" summer and I have only been dancing twice in 7 years but I do at least get hugs from the kids. And I've only got 9 months to wait before I get some sun on holiday. But I can book myself in for some pampering. And I do. Regularly. Because even though you might sometimes feel "selfish" to act upon your personal desires and to put yourself before others, we actually help others by helping ourselves. Because our actions allow others to put themselves first too. The more we take a break and look after our own happiness, and the more fulfilled we become as a result, the more we radiate that contentment out into our circle of friends and family. They benefit from our "selfishness" and instead it becomes "self-care".

What could you do today that is purely and totally for your own benefit? That will allow you to be happy and thus pass on that happiness?

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