Happiness is a choice...

IMG_3184-1-e1510322632914.jpg

Unlike kids, who seem to be able to return to a state of uncomplicated joy so easily - being pushed in a swing high and hard (see photo) is pretty much guaranteed to do the job -  adults can find it a little harder to get back to their inner happy place. There just seem to be so many more barriers in place. But because I'd been in a bit of a grump about various things on and off for the month, to the extent that I had even bored myself with my attitude (after all, it takes quite a bit of effort to be in a grump for that long, and I don't have that much spare energy), I thought I would try something different.

So despite waking up yesterday with lots of potential reasons to feel irritated - very tired and like I'd eaten too much the night before (not the best start to the day) - I made a conscious decision to be HAPPY.

And knowing that you sometimes have to 'fake it to make it' and that weirdly, your psyche knows no different, I started by telling myself (out loud) that from this moment on, I was choosing to be happy.

My second related action was not to ignore the many positive mantras and cards I have strategically placed around my working area, but instead to incant these every time I lay my eye on them. I began with the "I am amazing and great things are going to happen today" post-it note, which I have slipped inside my laptop so that it's the first thing I see when I open it. I then proclaimed out loud the very complimentary statement that I have set as my actual password, followed by my newest abundance-attracting, pin-board, post-it note: "my actions create constant prosperity".

Needless to say, I started my work day feeling quite pumped.

I continued my efforts by making sure I actually adhered to my daily alarm (set to remind me to take at least 10 minutes out to meditate half way through the day). And because I really didn't feel like I needed it, I let it turn into 10 minutes of just sitting in silence staring out of my bedroom window at the tree on the street. Which also had a positive effect. Not surprisingly really, because a change of scene = energy reboost; silence = mental refresh; and if you can't actually get out INTO nature, staring at it can have the same grounding effect (kind of).

Lastly, I ended my working day by actually implementing my achievement list. This is like a to-do list (of which I have many dotted around the place) but one that is based on the past rather than the future: each day you write down what you have done really well and what you are proud of yourself for. Yesterday afternoon, I focused on what I had done to grow my business (because I have recently been wrestling with the re-emergence of my powerhouse perfectionist and she thinks that I could ALWAYS do more), and last thing at night, I focused (in my head) on my mothering "skills" (another area of my life in which my inner bully could be described as overzealous).

And guess what? It felt really good!

So instead of transitioning back into motherhood mode (ready for school pick-up, homework, supper, bath, bed palaver) feeling frustrated and a little resentful that I hadn't done enough, I was remarkably calm, content and most importantly, present with the kids.

Because having physically written out what I had already achieved, I didn't feel the need to keep popping back onto my iphone or to wander off elsewhere in my thoughts. And because I was feeling content in myself, I wasn't knocked off centre by the three tiredness / hunger tantrums that kicked off throughout the early evening. I even managed to squeeze in some post-homework, pre-supper mama 'funtime' (hide-and-seek) and didn't even get angry when everyone decided to stop playing half way through and leave me hiding (and nearly suffocating) for almost half a hour. Result!

Which all goes to show just how goddamn powerful our minds are. And that if we set an intention, magnify it by saying it out loud, and underpin it by writing positive things down, that intention can carry us through the whole of the day (however many potential anger/sadness booby traps might be lying in wait for us).

How long will my happiness last? Who knows. But I do believe in the Law of Attraction and today I felt I was being rewarded for my say-it-out-loud-for-two-days-in-a-row-mantras by receiving this incredible compliment from a coaching client (who has just finished a 3 month series with me):

"I have thoroughly enjoyed the life coaching series with you. It helped me consider options I thought were impossible. It helped me rebuild my confidence and the self esteem I was gradually losing. It helped me pluck up the courage that I needed to set myself free, to see a clearer picture of where I am and where I want to be. I feel in control. You are such a talented and inspiring life coach and an amazing person."

Well. If those are the kinds of results that I'm going to continue to attract, then Project Happiness is ongoing!

Are you fulfilling your greatest potential, mama? Are you getting paid to do what you love whilst parenting in a calm and positive way? Are you feeling happy and fulfilled both at work and at home? Because you deserve to! Book a complimentary discovery session with me on skype and we can explore taking concrete steps towards creating a life in which you feel motivated and in control once more!  

Don’t forget you can also follow me on facebookyoutube & instagram!

On celebrating...

 
IMG_3114-e1509532507343.jpg
 

I used not to be very good at celebrating my successes. I’d take for granted all the hard work that had gone into achieving something and move right onto the next potential goal. I got a kick from the constant forwards momentum, not really knowing what to do with the downtime in between. So I made sure there was no downtime.  I went from one thing to another, ticking them off the list, not really stopping for breath and definitely not stopping to acknowledge the journey.

Until recently. When I decided to change things.

Because effort is great and all that. But so is surrender. BOTH are required to reach a state of 'grace'. And all work and no play doesn’t leave much room for joy. And I kind of want more joy in my life; more fun, more laughter. Don’t you?

So yesterday was the perfect opportunity to take some time out to enjoy a rare tootle on my own trumpet: I celebrated becoming a QUALIFIED LIFE COACH 

6 months of hard work and commitment (3 of them whilst travelling), 14 modules packed full of learnings and gruelling assignments, 14 live training calls with our incredible BYCA teachers and expert coaches, 3 months of being life coached through my own personal goals and 4 months of supporting 4 awesome, pro-bono clients, each through their own six-week coaching series.

I celebrated the fact that back in January this year - whilst living in Bali - I chose to follow my heart by signing up to my amazing course. My intuition had been nudging me towards a career that supports others to become their best, most fulfilled selves for a while, but it took the prospect of all three of the kids going to school, and looming 'empty nest' syndrome to push me over the line into action.

I had a (far-fetched) dream...I took concrete steps towards making it happen...And yesterday, I graduated.  

The result? My soul purpose and my career are in alignment. I am walking my talk. I am embodying RADICAL AUTHENTICITY. 

Since yesterday was also Samhain - the ancient festival that celebrates the end (and beginning) of the Celtic New Year, a time during which the veil between our world and the next becomes its most transparent, I decided to pick a tarot card as a symbol for my vision for next year.

And I got the six of wands, symbolising "success, achievement and public recognition". Even the tarot was celebrating with me!

More poignantly however, the card has an even deeper meaning: it is about having faith in what you have achieved, about not letting fear or guilt get in the way of your success, about feeling proud of yourself and feeling worthy of others' attention. 

It is about BELIEVING IN YOURSELF. 

And this got me thinking about both how easy but also how hard this is to do. For how often do you hold your head up high and feel worthy of other people's attention? How often do you have faith in yourself and how your achievements will be seen by others? How often does fear or guilt stand in the way of your success?

It takes guts. And commitment. And courage.

Which is exactly what I'm going to practise.

Because like most things that don't come easily, they require exercising, just like a muscle. The more you practise courage, the more natural it seems.

Habits break habits.  

Are you fulfilling your greatest potential, mama? Are you getting paid to do what you love whilst parenting in a calm and positive way? Are you feeling happy and fulfilled both at work and at home? Because you deserve to! Book a complimentary discovery session with me on skype and we can explore taking concrete steps towards creating a life in which you feel motivated and in control once more!  

Don’t forget you can also follow me on facebookyoutube & instagram!

On embracing your beauty...

 
IMG_2451.jpg
 

Me and my big, goofy smile. That takes over half my face. I’ve always had a big mouth - physically and symbolically. "Shy, retiring violet" would not be the label most would give me. And yet, I used to wish it was. I wanted to be less visible, less opinionated and have a smaller mouth.

Most kids have a temporary gap when their adult teeth first come through but mine became a permanent feature. And big lips, a big mouth and big, gappy teeth are not what your average 10 year old needs. So I used to get teased. Alot.

The older I got though, and the more examples I came across of gappy teeth being valued in their own way, the less ill at ease I became with my particular looks: as a 12 year old in France I learnt that they are called 'dents du bonheur' (and that one of the nation's hottest sex symbols - Vanessa Paradis - also shared my 'diastema'); and as a 17 year old at school, I stumbled upon Chaucer’s “gap-toothed wife of Bath”. Her gap symbolised her 'lasciviousness', and whilst I didn't really have a clue what that meant at the time, it did make me secretly a little bit proud.

So I grew to live with my gap. And to even sort of like it.

And then....it went.

Just like that.

Aged 42, I still have a big mouth, big lips and big teeth but I am no longer gap-toothed. (Who knew that teeth continue to move all throughout adulthood?)

And now that it is gone, I kind of miss it. I realise that my gappy teeth were actually quite a big part of who I am. They were a tiny bit of me that made me stand out. A teeny, tiny definer of who I was.

Which got me thinking about which of our physical traits we identify with the most: what is it about you that makes you feel really you: your hair (its colour or length)? Your eyes (their shape or colour)? Your height? Your shape? Your size? Your skin colour and tone?

And do you identify with this feature because of what other people have said to you? Or because of how you yourself feel about it?

I realised that it is definitely easier NOT to stand out for something that defines you as physically different to other people, but it is also way more boring. And since different cultures value different forms of beauty, what could be seen as ugly in one, might be the epitome of sexiness in another.

Because beauty really is subjective. And those that feel beautiful inside really do radiate that out, regardless of their individual, physical features.

Embrace your unique traits and your particular form of beauty now. Because you never know, one day they might disappear and you’ll never have had the chance to question why you identified with them and to relish just how amazing they were....

Are you fulfilling your greatest potential, mama? Are you getting paid to do what you love whilst parenting in a calm and positive way? Are you feeling happy and fulfilled both at work and at home? Because you deserve to! Book a complimentary discovery session with me on skype and we can explore taking concrete steps towards creating a life in which you feel motivated and in control once more!  

Don’t forget you can also follow me on facebookyoutube & instagram!

On breaking the rules...

 
IMG_2980-e1509105422846.jpg
 

To the mamas in the house: would you wear this dress down the pub? This Dolce & Gabanna meets granny-going-to-a-funeral dress to a casual, school parents' social? I did.

Sartorial code dictates that one wears jeans to the pub and cocktail dresses to a party. But the more I thought about this, the more I realised how ridiculous it is that there are dress codes for certain types of venue. And that how you choose to portray yourself at any one time, and how you feel as a result, can be dictated by someone else's social "rule". ⠀

So I broke it.

My decision was inspired by two things: Zoe Kravitz's latest interview in Vogue and one of my current life coaching client's goals.

Zoe said "I believe that fashion, art - all of it - is about making bold choices, unapologetically. It's not 'Is this OK?' It's, 'This is who I am - deal with it...'

And boy, did this resonate with me. Sure, she's got youth and beauty (and fame), on her side but why on earth shouldn't this apply to me? To anyone? To all of us?

My beautiful client on the other hand, was exploring new and different ways to feel self-confident. And clothes - our "look" - is a very important strand of how we choose to express ourselves. So she had challenged herself several times over the course of the past two weeks to experiment with this: by not wearing any make-up, by asking someone else to choose her clothing for her for a couple of days, by wearing something she would normally wear to a party as day wear, by enjoying showing off her curves. Pretty brave, eh?

And the result was astounding. A total disengagement from social peer pressure and a wholehearted embrace of what made her feel good, inside and out. 

Which also resonated with me - after all, if I was able to successfully support and encourage a client to stretch their self-imposed limits, surely I could do the same for myself?

So I wore the dress. In an "inappropriate" setting. And I felt awesome.

And guess what? I know that I (quietly) inspired others to do the same.

It wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But at the same time it was huge: I chose to express myself authentically when it wasn't necessarily the done thing.

Courage. Confidence. Which comes first?

Both lead to one another.

And both are cornerstones of my life coaching business: I am passionate about supporting women to regain the confidence and courage to remember who they really are, rather than who society or others think they should be.

Last week, I applied my mission statement back to myself.

I walked my talk.

And it felt great.

How can you channel some courage and self-confidence today? How can you make a 'bold choice, unapologetically'? Which self-imposed rules are you ready to break? Let me know in the comments below!

Are you fulfilling your greatest potential, mama? Are you getting paid to do what you love whilst parenting in a calm and positive way? Are you feeling happy and fulfilled both at work and at home? Because you deserve to! Book a complimentary discovery session with me on skype and we can explore taking concrete steps towards creating a life in which you feel motivated and in control once more!  

Don’t forget you can also follow me on facebookyoutube & instagram!

Why hygge doesn't work...

 
IMG_2665-e1508150478128.jpg
 

This Sunday was declared 'family day'. It was an attempt to put aside at least one day a week where none of us was distracted by other things: no kids' sport lessons/parties or homework were scheduled and no parent keep-fit/yoga/work or socialising was allowed.

That might sound a little draconian to you, easy-going folk. But unless we do that, I find that none of us actually connects properly.

When we were exploring as part of our year-long travel adventure, spending time together was natural. Every day was spent discovering the unknown, exploring new things - we shared each and every experience and had the time to discuss and savour them.

But now that we are back in the UK and firmly ensconced in the rat race, after-school activities, learning to read and write, homework, keeping fit through sport, remaining sane through yoga, working for a living, household chores, staying in touch with friends and family - suddenly there are a million and one demands on each of us. And only slithers of time to lever them all into.

And what suffers the most is what we took for granted when we were away: quality family time.

It either needs to be scheduled in, or it doesn't happen. Because in my case at least (Mama Truth Bomb on its way), I often find an excuse not to connect, because doing something away from the family and just for me, comes so much easier and feels so much more beneficial. At least in the short term.

Yup. I said it.

Pretending that the kids don’t exist and escaping to do something ‘more important' (aka 'more selfish') is a lot less difficult than being entertaining-kind-nurturing-fun mama to three kids under 8 at the same time.

(Particularly as the moment you do set aside the headspace to put on your supermama mask, they start fighting for your attention so that 'connection' time actually becomes angry mama time spent either reprimanding or mediating).

So what do you do with it once you have scheduled in family time? 

Well, the Danish concept of hygge hasn’t yet worked for us unless there is a movie or colouring in involved (too many bad losers to play a game and too many itchy feet to just sit and 'talk'), so we decided to go for walk.

I’m a bit of a wild nature fan myself (I find there is nothing better to remind me of the insignificance of my day-to-day anxieties than an untouched landscape), and so we headed for one of our local nature and birdspotting reserves.

Here, surrounded only by plants, trees and animals, suspending the reality of the many to-dos in my life seems relatively effortless and I instantly feel part of something bigger, better and more timeless than myself...

The ‘family connection’ plan went relatively well too: two out of three actually managed to walk the whole distance, no-one was bitten by a horse (unlike last time) and Bobomama didn't have to remove any dog poo from any wellies on our return. Bonus.

We even caught sight of this quaint, upturned boat: broken and derelict but etched with the message “Life is Beautiful”: a cliche of course but none the less poignant.

I did have to spend the rest of the afternoon laboriously checking for nits and Andrew did selfishly sneak off to play squash during the kids' supper/bath/bedtime routine but no-one said anything about life being perfect.

Beautiful - for at least just a couple of hours a week - will have to do; family day may well be here to stay...

How do you balance me-time and family time? Does hygge work for you?

Are you fulfilling your greatest potential, mama? Are you getting paid to do what you love whilst parenting in a calm and positive way? Are you feeling happy and fulfilled both at work and at home? Because you deserve to! Book a complimentary discovery session with me on skype and we can explore taking concrete steps towards creating a life in which you feel motivated and in control once more!  

Don’t forget you can also follow me on facebookyoutube & instagram!