I haven't posted for a while because I have been deliberately absorbed in taking time out of the matrix to journey deep into my soul and into my past: working out who I am, what I stand for, what is truly me and what is just inherited baggage from my cultural, social, class-specific and also personal upbringing. My word for the year was REMEMBER and for me this meant remembering the divine blue print that was me before everything was altered or amended in a bid to fit in and belong. It was no surprise to get given this word earlier this year (as part of Amy Palko's Goddess Reading) as it complemented perfectly my burgeoning commitment to embark upon Bethany Webster's Healing the Mother Wound course which I started in January and for which I have set aside my emotional and spiritual energy for at least the first six months of this year. The course has provided an incredible framework for an intense unearthing of long-hidden emotions and feelings which needed recognition and release in order to make space for the subsequently liberating life energy that is now starting to flow through me bringing clarity and strength. I would recommend it to anyone that is even slightly called to it - what you get out of it, is priceless.
I was reminded of this dance between rigidity (energy that is stuck in a wound and therefore makes us feel drained and exhausted) and flow (energy that can be channelled into joy, creativity and a sense of inner peace) during my yoga class yesterday. The focus of the session was on connecting to our inner strength in order to yield to our own softness. After all, we can't be soft if we do not feel grounded and safe. Flexibility only comes from a deep knowing of what we are at our core. Intellectually, this is relatively simple but it is literally only this week, at the grand old age of 40 (part of the thrust for embarking on this course - "real" life starts at 40!) that I have begun to get this on an emotional level. I have always struggled to know what the 'I' was behind my inherited beliefs and beyond my current triggers and needs but this course is slowly uncovering and rebuilding this inner sense of grounded calm through guiding me to remember and reconnect with my essence. I finally feel like I now have boundaries - I know where I stop, and others start; I recognise which behaviours and patterns have been primarily fuelled by triggers rather than by something else. And it feels awesome!
So today I want to encourage you to find the courage to dig deep, to remember who you really are behind the masks and the triggers and the wounds and the inherited patterns. To listen to your heart, emotions and intuition rather than to your analytical, reasonable mind. This is the start of the journey. And it only gets better from there!
"It's impossible," said pride.
"It's risky," said experience.
"It's pointless," said reason.
"Give it a try," whispered the heart! (Anup Karlsson)
Art by Christian Schloe.
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