Jabs, jabs and yet more jabs...

One of the downsides of long-haul, foreign travel is vaccinations. To "cover" ourselves in just four of our destinations - India, Myanmar, Laos and Bali - we need jabs against at least 7 different fevers, diseases and infections. These include Japanese Encephalitis, Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, Rabies, BCG and Typhoid not to mention twice-daily, anti-malaria tablets to offer protection in those areas of our itinerary where the mosquito has already developed immunity to the weekly dose. Then there are the further precautions that fall to the responsible individual: the exotically named 'jungle formula', anti-tic and insect sprays; the re-hydration sachets to mitigate the effects of the ubiquitous traveller's diarrhoea; the sterile kit containing 'hygienic' needles, canulas and scalpels (?) which you hope to God you will never be in a position to require using; the long-sleeved clothing and sleeping nets to guard against yet more mosquitoes that could be vectors for dengue fever (which has no vaccine as yet and whose 'critical phase, while rare, occurs relatively more commonly in children'. Excellent).

It goes without saying that we are hugely privileged in the West to be able to vaccinate ourselves against potential medical dangers that are an everyday occurrence for those that live amongst them. Researching potential complications associated with any of the list above does not make for happy reading and I actually feel pretty guilty about having a choice in the matter. We are even more fortunate that we can afford to exercise our choice (our private medical bill for the four of us so far is £1,534 and counting). But persuading three kids of this fact before their fifth visit to the travel clinic in two months is not straightforward. Luckily it helps that our nurse is brilliant with kids, has about ten different kinds of coloured plasters to choose from, a room full of child-friendly distractions: bubble blowers, puzzles, crayons and books and that she goes out especially before each appointment to buy them some sort of treat to eat afterwards (note box of mini chocolate chip muffins being guarded closely below).

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Nupi Lan

The women from the Indian state of Manipur have their own word for empowerment - 'Nupi Lan'. This means no less than 'women's war' and twice during the 20th Century they have waged it to fight against exploitation by the imperialist British. And they won! They continue to show the power that comes from collective collaboration by running a women's-only market, featured here:

https://www.facebook.com/EliteDaily/videos/1164828160235481

Yet more proof that through coming together, women can achieve the previously unthinkable.

Manipur is on the border of India and Myanmar - two countries we plan to visit as part of our year-long trip 'living like locals' across Asia. I hope to absorb some of this inspiring energy that combines a Warrior spirit with the calm insight of Buddha!

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words to inspire...

These are my “inspiration rocks”. Kind of like emoticons but of the natural variety. I picked them from the bottom of a freezing river bed in January and decorated them with words to inspire and motivate me. Every day, or when I remember, I pick one that feels right for that moment and leave it on my desk where I can see it. And somehow it seems to work! I find its presence both comforting as well as motivating. Perhaps that’s because it is a rock from a riverbed and therefore symbolises both earth and water elements?

Traditionally, rocks represent the element of earth. This is ultimately grounding: it reminds us of our connection to everything, that we are all one, it reminds us of our physical form but also of the wisdom within us and of those that came before us. Water is an altogether different element. It is ultimately calming: it is about the emotions, cleansing, ease, flow, about taking the path of least resistance. So these rocks represent both elements to me and of course the word I drew onto them.

And today’s word? It’s FOCUS. Because at the moment I feel full of creative energy but this needs to be channeled in the right way. In general, I’m more of a detail rather than a big picture person. And because I’m also a Virgo and want to do everything perfectly I often end up overwhelmed by detail and go round and round in circles rather than forwards. So today it’s about focusing on the big picture strategy and dissecting it from there. Baby steps in the right direction rather than a scatter gun approach that achieves not very much.

If you could pick one of these stones today, which would you choose and why? Or better still, are you motivated to create your own?

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On speaking your truth...

It’s been a full on couple of days. Not only was it the last few days of the school holidays (which somehow made it harder for me to accept not having any time to myself rather than easier - as though I was so close to the finishing line that I just couldn’t hold my frustration in any longer) but I have also been called upon more than once to speak my truth. I have had to stand up to what I believe rather than cave in to the desire to attenuate myself in order to be appreciated. I have had to speak my truth, regardless of the potential consequences. It has been terrifying. Why? Because it is part of the patriarchal dynamic in which we live that women must stay small in order to be accepted. Society frowns upon women that are “too much”: too loud, too big, too tall, too outspoken, too beautiful, too confident, too happy even. The result is that many women, including myself on occasions, feel that their empowerment hurts others; that by being ourselves we risk losing the admiration, love and respect of others. That it is best that we hide our power in order not to risk being seen as too much. So in order to fit in, not make a fuss, we silence ourselves, act small, tow the party line, pretend to others we are feeling something we are not just to make the uncomfortable feelings that are lurking underneath go away.

But this is counterproductive. Because not only does trying to fit in when it is inauthentic cause yet more ‘negative’ feelings: anger, grief, disappointment, resentfulness; it also merely serves to perpetuate our smallness. And reinforce the belief in others that they too must remain small.

So on more than one occasion last week, I ignored the temptation to be small, to 'emotionally caretake' others’ potential triggers and to make it all ok by denying what I actually felt. It has not been easy.

Before and after, I have felt out on a limb, isolated, hurtful even. But deep down, I KNOW it was the right thing to do. So I have been doing a lot of inner parenting to help me through: I have had to remind myself over and over that I am not in charge of others’ reactions to me, I cannot force them to understand, I cannot be liked and loved by everyone all the time. That I am ok, that I can do this, and that by sticking to my values and expressing my feelings authentically and respectfully, I am also paving the way for others to do the same. And this is the key: that by summoning the courage of my inner Warrior to help me speak my truth with the compassion and centeredness of my inner Buddha and showing others that it can be done without falling apart, I am hopefully demonstrating that there IS another way to being a woman in a patriarchal society, that we CAN indeed own our power and be authentic. And that with this comes an immense sense of true freedom, far greater than the fleeting contentment that comes from being accepted.

Have you ever struggled to own your power, to take the path of authenticity over acceptance? If so, I’d love to hear how. Please share your comments below!

Artwork: 'Between Two Worlds' by Vian Sora

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On practising 'presence'...

Most spiritual books and gurus, tell us that we need to focus more on the NOW. To get out of our minds and the potential worries and anxieties it can so easily fabricate about the future (which usually never materialise anyway), and to not spend too long dwelling in the past unless it is "to feel to release" a particular energy that has become stuck in an uncomfortable episode. I have three kids under 6 - all born within three and a half years - so I unwillingly spend a lot of my time in the NOW. Mainly dealing with their requests, hunger, arguments, laundry, spillages, punch-ups, breakages, bum-wiping or generally trying not to lose one whilst out and about. I don't love spending my time doing this. I am not a 'natural' caregiver. Frustration levels start very low at the beginning of the day but quickly mount with each new request as my own needs (mainly just for silence for one minute) get more and more ignored.

I don't intend to bank every frustration and let it all mount until I explode, offloading it disproportionately onto one of them and I definitely try to remember that they are just 'being kids' and to allow them that precious freedom to do 'silly' things even though that might mean a ton more washing / chores for me. Nevertheless it is very hard not to see the day through ever-darkening, brown-tinted glasses, especially during the school holidays, when you are on constant, almost 24 hour call with little to no respite.

So it came as a welcome distraction this morning to read an email from Christine Kane on how to nurture your inner creativity. One of the suggestions was to write a Love List. This resonated with me much more than a Gratitude Journal because it seemed so much more immediate. It is great to tap into your gratitude on a regular basis - and it is something we do as a family from time to time which is very sweet (mostly the kids are grateful for their soft toys) but I usually end up feeling like I need to be grateful for big, general things like my health, a roof over my head, food on the table etc and it doesn't always feel very PERSONAL. In fact, I hate to admit it, but it almost becomes just another 'chore'. A Love List however - now that felt different. A list of all the things that bring you happiness? Yes please! So I immediately tried it out starting with the things that had inspired joy in me that morning. And guess what? There were quite a few. That I had forgotten. Or at least buried under the poor-me-I'm-such-a-victim-for-having-to-deal-with-continuous-crap-stuff. And writing them out made me feel happy, NOW. Rather than frustrated, NOW. It allowed me to switch the brown-tinted glasses for rose-tinted ones even if only just for a moment (kids weren't around : )...)

So today's post is about seeing if you too can switch glasses. If only for today. And see how it makes you feel. And if it feels good, try it again! After all, like so many things that are good for you, it takes practise to implement on a regular basis. But if it helps you stay in the NOW and that NOW becomes HAPPY, then what's not to like?!

Here are my two lists side-by-side....

Former brown-tinted, frustration bank input (before noon): - 2 year old insisting (read 'tantrum') on filling own cereal bowl to the very brim despite warnings that whatever went in would need to be eaten by him. He didn't. I shouted (8.15am?). He did. Under duress. - 2 and 4 year old trying to 'tickle' my feet whilst I attempt to do some pilates exercises - 2, 4 and 6 year old not wearing shoes outside despite previous threats that no-one would ever be allowed out ever again if they come back in with black-soled, mud-encrusted (usually formerly white) socks on that then need hand-, pre-washing and soaking before the laundry - 2 and 4 year old then putting shoes on outside (with new socks) and KEEPING them on inside thereby leaving a sticky, wed, mud trail from the back door all the way to the bathroom on the beige (rented) carpet - being told by watch repairer that my "luxury brand" watch (that 6 year old borrowed and trod on) is not repairable and must be returned to manufacturer (by hand, in London) which will cost at least a couple of hundred of pounds. - 2, 4 and 6 year old covering the trampoline with water from buckets and thereby soaking themselves and their clothes in water and mud - 2 and 4 year old then 'washing' their feet in the bathroom sink whilst covering themselves in thick layers of liquid soap

Current, rose-tinted, Love List input (before noon): - watching 2 and 4 year olds break into spontaneous dancing and laughter to a busker in the middle of the high street - seeing the 2, 4 and 6 year old delight in the selection of library books on a stand near the parking permit queue (7 people long = over half an hour wait) and taking themselves off to read them - observing passerby's faces lighting up with joy as the 2 year old greeted and waved at most of the people he walked past with a huge grin - the children's delight at their 2 minute interaction with the postman and their pride in pointing him out to me as their 'new friend'.

So, the last list wasn't quite as long but the effect it had on me was much longer lasting. I even started to smile as I re-wrote it. So thank you, Christine Kane for the inspiration. I am going to try and do this every evening and maybe get the kids to do it too. A new family ritual : )

ADDENDUM: rose tinted glasses lasted until 7.45. Then fell off spectacularly and smashed on the floor. So I tried. I'm a human mother not a robot one. Tomorrow is another (relentless, no school) day. And I will try to get through with a second page of my Love List....

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