I had a realisation this week: when something I’ve known for ages actually sank in; when my “knowing” finally became “getting”. And it went like this: that when we feel sad or angry and don’t let it out, the energy behind that emotional pain doesn’t go away. It either comes out in an embarrassing torrent when you least expect it or causes illness. Last week was the perfect example of the latter. Deep down I felt vulnerable and exposed but on the surface I felt angry and sad. I wanted to scream and cry at the same time like a toddler having a tantrum. So did I let that energy out in a controlled way? Or feel into it to release it? Of course I didn’t! I was busy doing other things. Being busy! I had recognised how I felt and put it to one side. Surely that was enough? My mind (the masculine side) thought so. The emotions had been observed, the issue had been analyzed. It was then shelved in the background of my consciousness with a whole bunch of other painful experiences that I didn’t want to explore. Sound familiar?
This system of “dealing” with things can work just fine until the mental self-storage unit gets a bit full. When it starts to bulge at the sides and the energy required to keep the door locked is no longer equal to the energy of the pain being kept in check. And then one of two things can happen. You could get triggered by something minor: you are made to wait for what seems like hours before being connected to someone in a call centre who then says you have called the wrong number or your kids refuse to even taste a meal you spent ages preparing – the lock snaps and instead of feeling a little put out, you feel OUTRAGED! Your anger and grief know no bounds! You react in a way that is totally disproportionate to the trigger. And then you are surprised by your lack of control! When what this outburst actually shows is just how much control you had exerted in order to keep your emotions in check. What an effort! No wonder most of us are always exhausted!
Alternatively, the energy turns inwards. And instead of causing a meltdown it creates a stress-related illness. Symptoms (or dis-ease) occur in the body that show you are no longer balanced and at ease. This is what happened to me last week. And because I have spent most of my life relying on my mind to deal with things instead of my body (the feminine side) alongside my mind, I couldn’t understand why I was suffering again. But when I dug deep for the potential cause, I remembered. I finally “got” what I had known for so long.
So how can we prevent either scenario? Well, we can give ourselves PERMISSION to PAUSE. We can allow ourselves to take a break from being busy so that we can look at how we are feeling in any one moment. We can check-in with our minds and see what emotions are present, and we can check-in with our bodies and see what tensions we are holding (in our jaws, our necks, our shoulders). We can channel our Buddha: the calm, serene part of ourselves that doesn’t get caught up in things but has the power to observe and see what is really going on underneath. And then we can summon our Warrior: the brave, fearless part of ourselves that is ready to leap into the emotion and allow it to come through: Cry! Shout! Hit a cushion! Dance! Roll around! Breathe! Anything to allow the energy to flow out. You’d be amazed at how good it feels...
This is what I’m going to practise next time I feel overwhelmed. I dare you to join me....
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