Feel the fear and make it up!

Part of being a (recovering) perfectionist is a fear of getting things wrong.

Big things (like diving head-first off the tallest board in the pool), but also seemingly little things (like eating alone in a restaurant or inventing a story on the spot).⠀ ⠀

Embarrassingly, this last example has paralysed me into inaction for the past 6 years. Ever since my eldest child was old enough to ask for a story that wasn’t in a book, that is. ⠀ ⠀

I get the attraction - we all enjoy a bit of bespoke, it makes us feel special - the problem is, improvisation requires confidence in a logical (and well-received) outcome, as well as spontaneous trust in your own creative abilities. And there are no second chances nor opportunities to revise, hone or improve output - essential pre-requisites for any self-respecting perfectionist. ⠀ ⠀

So usually when asked to improvise, I call in the support team. Even when it’s an audience of one, aged 6. How bad could it really be? I’m too scared to find out. “That’s what daddy does, let’s ask him. Mummy reads books”, I say sheepishly. ⠀

But last week something stopped me. I said yes. Feel the fear and do it anyway and all that. ⠀ ⠀

And, though I say it myself, I rocked! I surprised myself and delighted my daughter. ⠀ ⠀

Probably just as much because I had made the effort to overcome a secret block that she probably already knew I was avoiding (kids know everything) than because of the content itself. I even went for a trilogy (I was on a roll). ⠀ ⠀

We encountered a small self-confidence hiccup yesterday when creative proceedings were halted by the audience who asked for more “ excitement” in the story: the fear crept back in, the throat went dry, the shoulders hunched. ⠀ ⠀

But I wasn’t deterred. I took it like a true BoboMama and got back on the wagon. The story ended on a cliff-hanger and I think this little fear may just have been crossed off the list...⠀ ⠀

To all the recovering perfectionists out there, what really scares you? And could you conceive of pushing yourself past it? Just for a laugh? To see what would happen? If I can do it, YOU CAN. I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

⠀Are you fulfilling your greatest potential, mama? Are you getting paid to do what you love whilst parenting in a calm and positive way? Are you feeling happy and fulfilled both at work and at home? Because you deserve to! Book a complimentary discovery session with me on skype and we can explore taking concrete steps towards creating a life in which you feel motivated and in control once more!  

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I'm off to Narnia. Coming?

Yup. It’s been one of those days. ⠀⠀ Actually it hasn’t. It’s been great: I worked on my new life coaching website, I went to my first networking event (scary AF in theory, fun in practise) and I applied to be on a Mumsnet Facebook live panel (easy to do, will deal with the obvious fear fallout factor later, if selected).

So I was feeling pretty good.

Until I was required to morph into a mama. And the kids annoyed the shit out of me: throwing toys around the kitchen and knocking over glasses of water x 2, refusing to do a very easy homework crossword which really only required an ounce of effort, having a tantrum over missing 3 minutes of a film they’ve already watched and know inside out, topped off by being called in for a 'chat' by a teacher over some misplaced frustration. ⠀ ⠀

Tipped me over the edge. ⠀ ⠀

So instead of meditating, breathing, going to my scheduled yoga class and doing something generally uplifting and edifying, I poured myself a massive gin and tonic, decided that I no longer like it, poured myself a massive glass of wine, drank it, cancelled yoga and ordered a fattening pizza. ⠀ ⠀

Parenting is THE hardest thing in the world. Fact. Of which all parents are fully aware. ⠀ ⠀

However zen, centred, compassionate and tolerant you are feeling, children WILL shake that (already fragile) core to the point until your self-control has crumbled. However much you try to be 'good'. ⠀ ⠀

They just KNOW how to fast track you to your worst self. And it’s relentless. ⠀ ⠀

I know what the 'lesson' for me is. Kind of. But sometimes I really can’t be arsed with spirituality. Especially on day 19 (aka watch out!) of my cycle. ⠀ ⠀

So I’d like to give a big shout out today to all the mamas and papas who know what I’m talking about. Who can’t give up and walk off. Who keep on going. Day after day. After day. After day. ⠀

And if YOU are one of those incredible people and need a friendly ear - reach out and let me know. I'm here. And I want to help. Because this is actually my niche. I'm a life coach for 'mamas who want more'. ⠀

And guess what? I’m good at it. Because I get it. I want more too. ⠀

See you in Narnia. Bring pizza and wine... ⠀

Are you fulfilling your greatest potential, mama? Are you getting paid to do what you love whilst parenting in a calm and positive way? Are you feeling happy and fulfilled both at work and at home? Because you deserve to! Book a complimentary discovery session with me on skype and we can explore taking concrete steps towards creating a life in which you feel motivated and in control once more!  

Don’t forget you can also follow me on facebook, youtube & instagram!

Why hygge doesn't work...

This Sunday was declared 'family day'. It was an attempt to put aside at least one day a week where none of us was distracted by other things: no kids' sport lessons/parties or homework were scheduled and no parent keep-fit/yoga/work or socialising was allowed.

That might sound a little draconian to you, easy-going folk. But unless we do that, I find that none of us actually connects properly.

When we were exploring as part of our year-long travel adventure, spending time together was natural. Every day was spent discovering the unknown, exploring new things - we shared each and every experience and had the time to discuss and savour them.

But now that we are back in the UK and firmly ensconced in the rat race, after-school activities, learning to read and write, homework, keeping fit through sport, remaining sane through yoga, working for a living, household chores, staying in touch with friends and family - suddenly there are a million and one demands on each of us. And only slithers of time to lever them all into.

And what suffers the most is what we took for granted when we were away: quality family time.

It either needs to be scheduled in, or it doesn't happen. Because in my case at least (Mama Truth Bomb on its way), I often find an excuse not to connect, because doing something away from the family and just for me, comes so much easier and feels so much more beneficial. At least in the short term.

Yup. I said it.

Pretending that the kids don’t exist and escaping to do something ‘more important' (aka 'more selfish') is a lot less difficult than being entertaining-kind-nurturing-fun mama to three kids under 8 at the same time.

(Particularly as the moment you do set aside the headspace to put on your supermama mask, they start fighting for your attention so that 'connection' time actually becomes angry mama time spent either reprimanding or mediating).

So what do you do with it once you have scheduled in family time? 

Well, the Danish concept of hygge hasn’t yet worked for us unless there is a movie or colouring in involved (too many bad losers to play a game and too many itchy feet to just sit and 'talk'), so we decided to go for walk.

I’m a bit of a wild nature fan myself (I find there is nothing better to remind me of the insignificance of my day-to-day anxieties than an untouched landscape), and so we headed for one of our local nature and birdspotting reserves.

Here, surrounded only by plants, trees and animals, suspending the reality of the many to-dos in my life seems relatively effortless and I instantly feel part of something bigger, better and more timeless than myself...

The ‘family connection’ plan went relatively well too: two out of three actually managed to walk the whole distance, no-one was bitten by a horse (unlike last time) and Bobomama didn't have to remove any dog poo from any wellies on our return. Bonus.

We even caught sight of this quaint, upturned boat: broken and derelict but etched with the message “Life is Beautiful”: a cliche of course but none the less poignant.

I did have to spend the rest of the afternoon laboriously checking for nits and Andrew did selfishly sneak off to play squash during the kids' supper/bath/bedtime routine but no-one said anything about life being perfect.

Beautiful - for at least just a couple of hours a week - will have to do; family day may well be here to stay...

How do you balance me-time and family time? Does hygge work for you?

Are you fulfilling your greatest potential, mama? Are you getting paid to do what you love whilst parenting in a calm and positive way? Are you feeling happy and fulfilled both at work and at home? Because you deserve to! Book a complimentary discovery session with me on skype and we can explore taking concrete steps towards creating a life in which you feel motivated and in control once more!  

Don’t forget you can also follow me on facebook, youtube & instagram!

What is keeping you stuck in your box?

Isn't it just SO damn easy to get caught up in the day to day routine of life: work, juggling chores and kids - and then use that as an excuse that you are too exhausted to do anything new?  At least, that's what I do...

For me, the thought of going out is usually never a good one - my inner protector tells me I should stick to the familiar go-tos: staying in to rest, catching up with my partner over a glass of wine or practising my yoga.

But when I allow my inner adventurer out - the one that couldn't care less about waking up tired, the one who is curious and excited to try out new things - I end up having a ball! And feeling tired, yes, but rejuvenated!

Which is what happened on Wednesday at The Honeysuckle Review, run by my beautiful and talented burlesque dancer cum mermaid cum priestess friend, Demi. (Yeah, she's pretty cool).

It made me realise that I had arrogantly forgotten that a world outside of my own even existed. Because that's what happens when you never challenge yourself to peek outside of the box you have constructed around yourself.

Boxes are good. They keep us safe and content. But sometimes we need to make the box a little bigger, to make room for something new. Because it is the new - something different, something scary, something adventurous - that brings freedom. A sense of being truly ALIVE! 

And we ALL deserve a bit of that...

• Which excuses are keeping you in a comfortable (but narrow) box?

• What could you say YES to that you would previously not have considered?

• How can you include a bit of adventure into your weekend?

Share with me in the comments below! I'd love to hear!

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Is it time to reboot and recharge?

This week marks the rekindling of self-care. Which has lapsed considerably over the school holidays. Indeed pretty much since June. Which not only shows, I can feel it in my body. I feel tired, lacklustre, my skin is a bit rubbish and I'm once again resorting to wine a little too much in order to zone out. I feel like I've had adrenaline coursing through my body for weeks on end. And even though I've known that I need to take time out to stop and just BE rather than rushing on with my to-do list, I've found this nearly impossible to implement.

If I lived by the beach and had access to this glorious, Ikarian view, it might come easier. But I no longer do, so it's about putting an end to the excuses and making the effort to get out from behind my desk and scheduling in some non-negotiable, me-time down-time. 

Because if we don't, we end up running on empty. Which is what I discovered is happening to me, yesterday during my Chi Nei Tsang treatment (an incredible Chinese medicine abdominal massage that detoxifies the internal organs and removes energetic blocks). Not good.

So today, I set aside 10 minutes to meditate before getting down to work and I've reset my AIRIN app to 25 times a day (it sounds a gong to remind you to take a mindful breath). It bongs so often that even the kids are now trained in it : )

As autumn sets in and the wind and rain start to ramp up, the seasons are telling us to SLOW DOWN.

What would help YOU to reset your hard drive?

What do you need to give yourself PERMISSION to pause?

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